Monday, January 22, 2007

Tusco Totalled

Tusco Terror, Skin Graft, Emeralds, EE, are all driving to a diner after the first night of some Area Code Fest in Michigan. They get lost trying to find the diner and Stoney Tusco was driving and he was really, really drunk. He went through a red light and their rental van was blindsided by a dude in what looked like a Silverado. They have all their equipment in there, including a borrowed PA system. The van is totalled. The window was blasted open, so Mark decided to get out and fell on his chest. Steve was injured on the impact side. Big John took off with Bee Mask and Mark. John threw a ton of weed over a school fence. Nathan ran away with a bottle of whiskey and an open 30 packer of high life. The cops showed up, didn't breathalyze Stoney, and didn't do any test. Stoney then had to drive around Grand Rapids and collect his scattered crew. Then everyone all stoned, drunk, and just in a bad wreck take the rental van back to Budget to get a new one when they were told "No, you can't have a new van, you totalled this one!"

Brian Chippendale & Chris Corsano on Upcoming Bjork Album

According to sources, Chris Corsano and Brian Chippendale are featured musicians on Bjork's next album, as well as Timbaland. More details to come!

Friday, January 19, 2007

Happy Birthday Pat!

Greh Holger Just Wants to be Loved

Greh Holger admits he just doesn't care as much about Chondritic Sound as he used to. In the fall of 2006 he got one of his biggest female fans to move to Detroit, and has since been spending all his time cuddling, watching movies, and going to restaraunts. The 28 year old has been known to rearrange his life and priorities for the ladies, and actually relocated to Michigan to pursue a romance with a girl he met on the internet a few years ago. "My girlfriend is fucking awesome," says Greh, "I don't have time for any of this shit anymore." When asked about what is going to happen to Hive Mind, he said, "Fuck, that shit is easy. To get flown around to play shows and hang, that fucking rules. I don't even have to try."

Luke Younger is a Porn Star

Gary R Kelly(circa 1989)

Gary R Kelly (Y'all know him from the HN_AM board) is the UK pornster! Luke Younger (Birds of Delay) is constantly obsessing about what a weirdy GR Kelly is, talking about how he has this collection of porno on his Blackberry. Apparantly Kelly categorized it all in folders like this:
old man/younger man
older woman/ younger man
younger woman/older man
older man/younger LUKE
on and on... a way more ordered collection than the average pornster.
One time GR Kelly came up to John Olsen on the Wolf Eyes tour last year and gave him a cd he made called "Punched by Olsen". The cover is a fatty older man squating in his tighty whiteys, pissing himself while staring you directly in the eyes.... the other side is an old fatty man tied up and a young guy licking his nipples. (Younger Luke?)

Luke Younger

Monday, January 15, 2007


Aaron Dilloway and his wife, Erika are having a baby boy in early June. Dylan Nyoukis and Dilloway are already planning the wedding between Dylan and Karen's Ellka and their future son.
However, their dog Sticky is not looking forward to the cuteness competition.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Anthony Miller gets Beat Up by Cops

In NYC a few months back Anthony Miller was driving over the Williamsburg Bridge and was almost killed by another car. Miller got the road rage and when they were stopped at the next light Miller got out of his car, pulled the dude out and started beating him up. Unfortunately, undercover cops were in the car in front of them and got out and restrained Miller, but not well enough because Miller than spat at one of the cops and kicked the other one in the face, so the cops started punching and macing him.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Twig Harper Needs Friends

This is totally official. Harper was sad no one made a fake for him, so he made a fake of a fake of himself.

Zac Davis has the Hots for Girls that Look Like They Have Down-Syndrome

"You know, girls that look like the have down-syndrome are hot. I mean I kind of look retarded sometimes too, you know?" Another tip-off to Noisebloid says he's reading feminist essays by Camille Pagliawhile on the road.

Noise Celebs- They're Just Like Us!

They get high before they eat.
They get plumber's crack.
They kiss at midnight on New Year's.

They play air guitar--with each other?

Monotract Roger Pussy Master

"Do you know how good a blow job is on ACID?!?!"--Roger, yelling to no one in particular, all night at ATP this past Decemeber. Roger was dancing the most incredible moves and singing every word like he was in a broadway musical on the side of the stage during Be Your Own Pet's drunken teenage anarchy set. Thurston Moore complimented him on his dancing afterwards and he said "Dude, Cubano, Miami style - there's two things I am a master of: dancing and eating pussy."

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Charlie D Loves Goth Chicks

At a show in Toronto, Charlie was heavily making out with some goth chick at the bar. She emailed Noisebloid and spilled it--Charlie is totally awesome in the sack. She also said he bragged that a few years ago he hooked up with Nicole Chambers who plays in Bloodyminded.

Big John Hates Women

Big John from Emeralds got married when he turned 18. Within in months he realized his wife was not who he thought she was and he filed for divorce. In a bitter courtroom battle during the horrifying break-up, Mark (Emeralds) testified against John's now ex-wife. On the stand he referred to her as "Well, I mean, look at her. She is kind of slutty." The judge agreed and John got the house in Lakewood and the Mercury Sable.

Monday, January 08, 2007

Leslie Keffer on MTV

At the State X New Forms Festival in the Netherlands in December, Leslie Keffer was interviewed by MTV Europe about her state of mind.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

DJ Dogdick Knows How to get Chicks

While in Philadelphia for the weekend, cocksman/rapperMax Eisenberg had sex with two different girls, two days in a row. One he seduced by drawing a face on her white t shirt, over her boobs and belly, with redwine. Also, during a DJ set, he stuck a slice of old pizza down the pants of a photographer from NYLON magazine who was annoying him.

Paul Flaherty is the Best Dancer and One Tough Motherfucker

Flaherty not only knows how to get down, he knows how to pass out. After one helluva a party in Antwerp, Belgium he couldn't find the bedroom he was suspose to sleep in so he laid down on the floor by a Christmas tree. The next morning he was found underneath the tree with his arms wrapped around the trunk.
Flaherty also beat the crap out of a pickpocket in Brussels at his hotel. He was about to step off the elevator when the thug grabbed his wallet. Flaherty grapped the dude, threw him against the wall and took care off business. Needless to say, he got his wallet back.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Happy New Year!!

Seems like everybody brought in the New Year by being fucked up! Here are photos from the Ypsilanti, Mi Party where Raven Strain managed to get the most wasted by 1 am and passed out next to his bed. Kathy from Lambsbread tried to help him onto his bed when she realized he had pissed himself and started to piss again! John from Emeralds decided it was time for Matt to re-join the party when they played in the room next to him and he didn't wake up so he blasted him with a fire extinguisher. Matt still didn't come to. His room was covered in a gray dust from the extinguisher. It was all over the bed, the dresser and his computer where Mark from Emeralds wrote in the dust, "Sorry Bro".
In Belgium, Jelle had a party with tons of dope and acid and danced til 11 am. In Birmingham, Alabama, kids got dosed and listened to Kenny Rogers records all night. (That's all they could remember!)