Sunday, February 27, 2011

R.J. Remington Convinces Nashville that Loop Retard is Dead

On May 1, 2010, R.J. Remmington of Right Arm Severed fame, was living in Nashville, Tennessee when he had a mental (drug and alcohol induced?) breakdown and checked himself into a hospital. He was dating a woman named Jessamine who was contacting his friends to let them know what was going on. She told Bridget Venutti that he hadn't been right since his best friend had shot himself earlier that week. Venutti immediately became concerned and asked her what friend had shot himself. She told Venutti it was Steven Boardman(Loop Retard, Right Armed Severed, Reale Sadd) from R.J.'s hometown, Madison, Wisconsin. Venutti then came to Betty's Grill and told Crom, Leslie Keffer, Scott Martin, and others what had happened. Everyone was crying and trying to figure out why R.J. who had seen everyone the night before at a show had failed to mention that Steven was dead. Leslie Keffer decided to call Rat Bastard to either inform him or find out more information. Rat hadn't heard about it, but immediately found it fishy. "Call Val, call Mumber Toes; We just saw him and he was fine! Something is up." So Keffer called Valerie Martino in Philadelphia and told her the news. "What?!??? When?! Wait....Ren was just there the other day on tour, I'm going to call him and see what's up." Martino then called Ren Schofield who told her he had just partied with Steven two days ago and he was alive and well. "What the fuck?? I'm gonna call Steven!" So Keffer hangs up with Val and calls Steven and to her relief, he answers. "Oh, My, God, Steven! Did you know that R.J. has everyone in Nashville convinced you shot yourself in your car last week with a shotgun and killed yourself and that your family wasn't even having a funereal or talking about it because they are so upset???" Loop Retard hardly seemed phased or surprised by R.J.'s antics, but was concerned about his hospitalization.
The next day R.J. was released on his own accord. He claims he didn't even remember writing the note, then claims he actually believed Steven was dead when he wrote the note and that is why he went crazy. R.J. then tried to take better care of himself and all seemed well. Steven was alive and R.J. was back and working on his villain performance art pieces. Last we heard R.J. moved back to Madison, Wisconsin to go to prison for filing for custody of his son. R.J. claims he got out of two years and is now working for the government. As Rat would say, "Now that's the real Right Arm Severed set, not what you saw at the show earlier. Those guys are nuts!"


Anonymous said...

Yeah that sounds about right.......
Wow to read it all in one piece like that it really seems surreal... 2010 was definitely not the best year of my life. Things are going good now. I am a mail clerk for the state of wisconsin and am working on a variety of projects. My most sincere apologies for all that were affected negatively by my breakdown. Thanks for all the support my friends have shown me. You are all great!
R.J. Remington

noisebloid said...

i miss hijacker and typical american business man

Anonymous said...

And they all miss you too noisebloid!!! Hopefully I can come down for a visit later this year! I miss Bobbie's Dairy Dip and the kitties and burgers at Betty's and all of my friends. Stay in touch, take care and hopefully see ya soon!!!

jj said...

That's really funny.


Anonymous said...

Thanks for writing a good story, Leslie, and thank you for surving it, R.J.! I'm glad things are better. - Cybele

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