EMERALDS GET INDIE-ROCK TATTOOS TO SUPPORT DYING SUBGENRE
It's true count em up...John Elliot=RADIOHEAD tat, Mark Mcguire=MICROPHONES tat, STEVE HAUSCHILDT=THE BOOKS tat...
When asked John Elliot said, "Man indie rock is our shit. Dilloway taught us about it....seriously nothing gets a bitch's pussy wetter than a fresh Radiohead tat"
Mark Mcguire said "I'm on my way to get a motherfucking stereolab tat right now and then
I'mma fuck two bitches at the same time and not even look at them...Imma just straight stare at my stereolab tat" STEVE HAUSCHILDT says "In my book it's God, Country, Indie rock, and Dopey bitches"
Indie rock couldn't be reached for comment.
NIGHTBURGER NOAH ONLY HAS ONE LEG
Turns out the "other" leg is his giant dick. Noah's been walking on his dick since childhood. Ren Schofield had this to say "Motherfucker never wears shorts--something's up."
When asked to comment Noah said, "Oh fuck, I never noticed! Thanks Word on the street reporter Brian Blomerth"
You're fucking welcome Noah.
ELIJAH FORREST FUCKS FOR FUNYUNS
Food stamp funds in Baltimore are running low this month because it turns out...Elijah Forrest will fuck anyone for a bag of the onion flavored treats.
No one wants to comment. Not a single person.
RAT BASTARD TO WRITE WOMAN'S LIB HANDBOOK
Rat Bastard say's "I've been doing a shit-ton of research"
STONEY TUSCO TERROR CHANGING HIS NAME TOO "WINNIE THE POOH MAN"
Stoney Tusco say's "I've been doing a shit-ton of research", "I think this name truly reflects how I feel inside and the pain I've been through coming up in west-side Cleveland"
"When my mom grew that beard...I just got big into Honey culture"--Stoney's wife and daughter love the name change and support his dumb ass decisions.
NATE YOUNG HAS SANTA FETISH
John Olson gets to work on a beard.
THE MYSTERIOUS MATT SULLIVAN MISTLETOE EXPERIENCE
Matt Sullivan (privy seals, earn) has this to say "Everyone is too scared to take the plunge, I gotta say when you dive in it's refreshing"
Its been confirmed that Matt Sullivan is scary and he has a blarney stone in his basement.
ROTTEN MILK GETS DEEP INTO FROYO-USES CAVE FUNDS TO PURCHASE "FROYO ISLAND"
Milk say's Froyo Island is a fun place. I don't believe him. In my head I picture Milk in a speedo with Froyo drips all over his belly, the "island" is just a bunch of trash in a kiddy pool.
Milk confirms, "Yeah...it's exactly like that"